Sunday, December 30, 2007

This is Considered Domestic Violence!!!!

I am angry, mad, out-raged and furious, I really don't know how I am feeling at the moment....what a start ....

I was trying to contact one of my friends for the past two weeks, I couldn't get hold of her no matter at what time I tried on both her cell phone and land line. Today after I gave up reaching her directly I contacted her sister, the news WAS her idiot husband (sorry to say that but he is a real jerk proven by actions) took her cell phone away from her and switched it off and also cut the land line dead.. BECAUSE she was communicating with her sister after she had a fight with him.. letting out some steam for her own sanity!! now how stupid is that????
Her parents are abroad, both of her brothers live abroad and the youngest brother and her sister are the only one staying in Libya.. I mean I heard after they fought he verbally abused her, and bad-mouthed her, her parents, he told her that she's replaceable and he really doesn't need her!!!!! NOW HOW DESPICABLE!!!!!

She's been isolated from us her friends since she got married, 2 years ago, he told her that her friends are not welcome at their home, she never visited us since he isolated her from the rest of the world to have control over her... whenever I called her before (and that is during the time he is at work or something) she's usually depressed and not as excited about life she used to be she was such a person to be around full of life and fun.. the problem is I BLAME HER FOR THE MOST PART... well I know she needs support from her family to help her thru this situation to take the next step and leave the jacka**, she's been in situation like this but less serious (even though it was serious enough for me) but her father wasn't much of a support, he took her back to her husband and told her not to leave again…. and I guess it is what's keeping her from leaving that ... ughhh....now!!!

ANYWAY enough is enough and HOPEFULLY her brothers are getting involved this time .. I believe that even if she didn't want to leave they should drag her out of that hole before she loses her mind.

I was thinking of stopping by her house and visit her just to make sure she's alright and he hadn't hit her or any thing but her sister told me off,, she's afraid I might make things worse.. GOSH she hasn't been in touch with her family since eid.. I am so worried and fuming.. ... I am kind of depressed too I pray that things get better for her... yester Allah

Salam!

30 comments:

ibeebarbie said...

Salam Maysoon,
I can truly feel your seething over this situation. It saddens me what humans do to other humans---and how we 'justify' the means for our conduct. I'm sorry for your friend. I can only hope she thinks enough of herself to save her soul before it completely dies. I can't say anymore otherwise I'll be crying because abuse no matter what is awful. I'll pray for your friend.

LoveLyH said...

مريت بموقف مشابه نوعا ما لموقفك..مع بعض الإختلافات الي تتثير الدهشة بس
يخيلي أن حتي صاحبتك مساهمة في ترك لزوجها العنان في تملكها والسيطرة عليها بطرقه المختلفة ..حتي لو كان أهلها مش موجودين معاها أو خايفين بنتهم تطلق وترجعلهم بعيل أو إثنين..
بس أكيد هي كانت تعرفه بطريقة أو بأخري قبل الزواج..وصدقيني النوعية هادوا يبانوا من أول تقعميزة معاهم.لأنهم يعانوا من مشكلة شبه مرضيه يحبوا يقطعوا اي صلة تربط زوجتهم بالعالم الي كتانت تعيش فيه قبل الارتباط وكأنهم شاكين في حاجة ..بس شعورهم هذا..راجع لأنهم هما هكي...كانوا يديروا..
وصدقيني هذا حاقد عليها لأنها كانت أحسن منه وأكيد حسساته بالشي هذا فعاملها معاملة سيئة
ولو تصرف معاها بعنف فهو حاس بالنقص وبالغيرة

أني نعرف أن الحل عند صاحبتك .. ماطاوعاش في كل شيء يقوللها عليه..هو يبيها تقعد في الحوش لا تطلع لا تخش لا تكلم حد لا حد يكلمها هدا حابسها خايفها تعرف عمايلها برا..!!
حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل .للأسف الأشكال هادو كثروا بشكل لا يوصف..
ربي يكون في عونك وعونها...

MaySoon said...

IbeeB, thanks, I do too hope she saves her soul...I just can't help but feel really angry whenever I remember the things he said to her, knowing that she will be even more infuriated, imagine being under one roof with someone you hate and disgust!!

Hibo, wallahi I assure you that during their engagement he was such an angle, sweet to her and all that.. I agree maybe she didn't look in the right places, or he was hiding behind this mask.. rabi ester o khalas!

LoveLyH said...

Happy new year,all the best wishes to you and All your family in 2008.
I hope all your deams and wishes come true.

Anonymous said...

حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل .للأسف الأشكال هادو كثروا بشكل لا يوصف..
ربي يكون في عونك وعونه

Very true, it happens even abroad.

وصدقيني هذا حاقد عليها لأنها كانت أحسن منه وأكيد حسساته بالشي هذا فعاملها معاملة سيئة
ولو تصرف معاها بعنف فهو حاس بالنقص وبالغيرة

The truth Libyan men are falling behind Libyan women when it comes to education and jobs. As long this gap widens the Domestic Abuse will increase dramatically.

There are many Libyan doctors and engineers in their 30's are having hard time finding husbands, very alarming.

Your friend should dump the asshole, her family and her friends should support her.


I recommend bloggers and readers to teach their daughters martial arts, so that their future husbands will think twice of being abusive. Make sure they marry someone who has sisters.

Parents should not have double standards when it comes to raising daughters and sons. Fathers have to learn to be friends with their daughters so that their daughters can come to them in future in case they are in trouble.

It is plain insane from fathers who prefer to have their abused daughters to live in fear than being divorced and free.



youtube.com/watch?v=RZyxYL753w4

This song is very famous about abuse.


MusicLover

MaySoon said...

Thanks Hibo, same to you sis :o)

MusicLover, firstly, I have to say this is the longest comment I ever seen written by you :o) thanks for passing by..
secondly, I couldn't agree more with most of what you said, except for the fact that he’s not behind when it comes to education, he's an Engineer, you can say educated but not civilized, I believe it is the way he was brought up under the misconception that by controlling/abusing his spouse he becomes man of the house with due respect to those who realize that by being tender and caring they are more respected and cherished.

Anglo-Libyan said...

I hope things get better for your friend, keep in touch with her family, that might help inshaAllah.

happy new year to you, the lovely Meral, your husband and your family.

piccolina said...

OMG maysoon that did really break my heart , u know i hear lots of stories like that these days and i keep saying satrak ya rab , wallahi life is crazy sometimes ,inshallah soon she'll be fine , you know GOD is above all of us , so just pray and inshallah things will be better :))

salam

a_akak said...

la 7awla wala gawa ela be-allah

I am very sorry to read this and it is a sad fact that Libyan men are lagging behind their female counterparts and it seems that the lagging is being translated to rage and abuse which no one should take and unfortunately I am hearing more and more about these incidents

Arguments between a wife and her husband do occur and that is only natural but the line is drawn when it is abusive or even worse if either part start physical abuse as well

Should she leave or not, should be her decision but what you are missing is that "if" she leaves the husband has the right to posses everything (i.e. house and the rest) plus the law only gives the right to the husband to divorce (unless it has been agreed in the Fat7a and i know who have)... so more assement is needed

I hope things do get better and let us know what happens

Fe aman Allah

Maya said...

salam
Its really hard to believe that and Im so sorry for her,I heard alot about marrige problems and most of them end with divorce .
maybe thats right she's better than him thats why he's acting like that .
I'llpray for her and for him too

fe aman Allah

enlightened spirit said...

I read ur post day after day, and I find it very difficult for me to comment, very painful and heart squeezing really, no words can describe anything, just feel very sorry specificlly for her, even though I find it hard to judge from one side, but just to have an idea about her current imprisonment, is enough to stand by her side.
I find the decision to chose ur future spouse, is one of the most difficult decision ever in girl's life, and to turn up at the end this way, is really heart broken.
from the deepest of my heart, I wish things get better for this couple.
Allah yehdena ajm3een...

MusicLover said...

from the deepest of my heart, I wish things get better for this couple.

Unless the husband joins Anger Management Program, I do not think there is one in Libya.

You just hope she does not have kids with him, it will be easier
to get rid of him.

It seems these Libyan husbands are getting to be control freaks.

The road to Domestic Violence starts from early childhood and the blame falls on parents.

Parents do not teach their kids how to say Thank you or Please in a full scale. Thank you and Please are not used among siblings and parents for everything and all the time. Parents do not embarrass their kids in public if they do not say Thank you or Please to others.

Sons should not have special privileges at home,they should cook,do laundry,iron,clean toilets,take garbage out. Sons have to be taught not to hit sisters, mother, girls, and wife. Parents have to respect each other in front of their kids so that they be role models.

Parents should use the word Please when they order their kids to do something either to study or clean their room.

Thank You and Please are real important words, I am sure the readers will say this is not something new. Go visit your siblings, cousins, your friends homes and observe if they use Thank or Please among themselves for everything, you will be surprised how little it is used.


I find it very offensive when I find kids whose fathers are Arabs calling me with my given name. I bluntly tell them in front of their parents not to call me with my given name.

It seems manners are disappearing every where in the world whether it is in USA, Europe, Arab World or Asia. I blame it on Baby Boomers parents mentality.

Nobody is a perfect parent but manners makes a huge difference in a child's life.

Brothers should also keep an eye on their sister in laws and ask them if their siblings are treating them well.

MusicLover

The Beatles - Please Please Me
youtube.com/watch?v=qfzQyzZBd84

MaySoon said...

Thank you Anglo, inshaAllah, I am trying to call her sister every now and then to ask about her..

Picco, it is heartbreaking.... but I guess she can do something if she wills!

Ahmed, you're right arguments happen but this guy is angry.. I hope things get better for her, and I tell you she doesn't give a damn about the material stuff and she knows about every thing starting from the house to the custody of her son, but as she told me before she's staying because of her son, she doesn't want him to grow without his dad, but DOES HE APPRECIATE THAT? I don't think so! 2 options she stays but be strong and knows how to react to him and have some self-esteem to force him to respect her, or leave with all the negative matters that come with it!!

Maya thanks sweetie.. inshallah things get better ya rab.

ES, Sweetie thanks for commenting after all.. I know it is hard cuz I was emotional when I wrote the post.. and I still get frustrated every time I remember her living in such situation..

MusicLover, four words "I COULDN'T AGREE MORE" it starts from childhood and the double standards parents have when raising daughters and sons have long-term impacts on their lives.

Thank you all for passing by..

libyan. said...

more than one time i was thinking to write a comment, but i couldn't find words that help or a possible solution, but now it came into my mind, that maybe if things get so bad like they are now, someone will stand up, her family should show that they are standing beside her, so that she can find the courage to defend herself, if she feels that her family is not there, she will not be able to deal with him, she has to find the strenght to tell him no if something is not working well.

Benghazi Citizen said...

It is sad..
Men in general confuse (Responsibility) with (Control) ,and when i say CONFUSE i DON'T mean here they are committing an HONEST mistak,no ma'm..
I am a libyan ,and before that i'm a man..I'm not proud of many men are doing..
Domestic violence is an issue of great importance all over the world ,Libya is no exception..
I saw it happen to people i care about ,relatives and friends. Some are abusing simply because they are control; freaks ,some use relegion as an excuse(and here i have to insist that islam and our prphet are insisting on respect in family relations ,with a little mre responsibility on man shoulders with out undermining woman rights ),some are using social taboos and rules ,and some simply are in-secure and feel threatened by woman success and achievement (This i saw my self in a family that was broken with in a year)..
It is an issue of great importance ,unfortunately our male dominant societies are not dealing with it seriously..the sad thing i even got into a heated debates with women-well educated women in my own field ,that is medicin-that believe that women are to be less than a man....
Really sad
Good post
I hope your friend proble will be resolved soon..and i hope her family will be involved in a more positive way.
Regards
Benghazi Citizen

Anonymous said...

salam maysoon
we miss you soo much, why aren`t you as active in posting as usual, i hope you , meral and the family are all well and healthy.
please continue your lovely postings which i persnally as a libyan living in europe ,find very deep and informative on how things in libya are. thank you very much and may god bless you

MaySoon said...

Thank you Libyan. I think she has to find the strength even if her family wasn't supporting her enough if she had enough.. then her family has to accept that just cuz she decided.. still it is her call.. I wish she finds that strngth too..

BC, thank you for passing by.. I really wish violence in all forms stops.. it is just not right.. thank you again brother..

Anony, well sorry but my last post wasn't informative.. lol it just reflects how depressed I am!! I tell you I now think there is more into blogging than just talking you know.. some how it makes us feel releaved getting some stuff out of our systems.. especially when there arn't much people you can talk to! welcome to my blog :o)

MusicLover said...

What's love got to do with it Tina Turner

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFQlZht2DU4

http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/54082/
What-s-Love-Got-to-Do-With-It/trailers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108551/


How is your friend doing now

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